Think A Little

National Coming Out Day is October 11th. Now, no, I’m not gay so I’m not writing this to come out of the closet. But there has been so much going on this past week, with Boyd K Packers speech, and other things in the community here, and others have made their stance on Gays known…whether their homosexual or heterosexual. I’ve been thinking about it, so I figured, in honor of National Coming Out Day I would do something along the same lines.

But I’m not writing this for me.

I don’t need to write this for me. I know where I stand on the issue, I know I support the LGBTQ community, and know I will stand with them in the fight for equal rights.

I’m writing this for you.

Not the people who are significantly aware of where I stand and accept it…but you, the people who I have known at some point in my life who I either hardly speak to or do not speak to at all. We may have known each other in High School, or middle school, or anywhere else. We may have worked together. We may have been close, or just passed each other in the halls with a smile.

I still care for you, and doing this I simply want you to realize where I stand and why. I’m not naïve enough to think that this in itself will revise your whole beliefs, but it is my wish it will at least make you think about it.
A good majority of you, if not all, are members of the LDS Church. Let me be clear, I am not judging your choice of religion or church, and I’m not asking you to change it. I’m just asking you to think.

Since the speech at the General Conference (and yes, I have heard it. And yes, he was talking about homosexuality. And what about the other twelve apostles who weren’t happy about his talk?) there’s been a lot of comments. From those planning the protests against hateful words, to those who claim “Don’t ask me to go against what my church says.” That’s where I see the problem. You can have your belief in your church, and what they teach, you can know right from wrong. What just made this worse is the fact that it came so soon after a string of national news from homosexual teens, anywhere from thirteen to eighteen, that have killed themselves. Everyone should be able to agree, that suicide isn’t right. No one should be driven to it.

Did you know gay teens are four times more likely to commit suicide? Did you know UTAH has one of the highest suicide rates in the country? Do you ever wonder WHY this is?

Now not being gay myself I can’t tell you my own story but I’ve heard plenty mentioned time and time again. Rhetoric like in Packers speech could easily make someone feel like ending it all. If our gay teens are taught that Homosexuality is a “Choice” (it isn’t) they’ll struggle to change it. To get that approval from their church or family, every teen wants nothing more than approval straight or gay. But there are so many, when they realize that they can’t “change” as the church taught them…see that suicide is the only way out.
Anyone care to tell me how this is right?

One of the biggest arguments I here in condemning homosexuality is quoting Leviticus. Anyone who’s even read Leviticus should realize how absurd this argument is. Leviticus, that says you can’t wear mixed fabrics. Leviticus, that says you can sell your daughter into slavery, that says you can’t eat shellfish, just to name a few examples. Really, if you asked me, Leviticus at a whole at this point should just be thrown out the window and forgotten. The Leviticus argument as NO GROUND.

Another common argument is that allowing gay marriage will bring about death and Armageddon, etcetera….just about any bad thing you can think of. It was legal in California for awhile, is still legal in a a few states, and laws that make it illegal are being struck down all across the country….haven’t seen Armageddon yet and I really don’t think its coming.

Funny that I’ve passed a page writing this and haven’t said the most important thing that I’ve meant to say. I’m not gay, I’m straight. But I’m not homophobic, just the opposite. I’m an ally, and I will fight with them until they gain the equal rights marriage offers. I want you to know that if you were in this position, if your rights were under attack… I’d be fighting for you to have those too.

Its about what’s RIGHT VS WRONG…not about “What the church says”. Just think about that.
Love

-Ingela

(Note: Many don’t know the amount of influence the Mormon church had on Prop 8 in California….the MORMONS got it passed, and they had no place to. Please educate yourself on this, you can start by watching 8: The Mormon Proposition.)

Voting Vs Protesting?

Some people I know are planning a protest this Saturday against what a Mormon Leader said, and I fully support this...though it isn't so much a protest as a candlelight vigil. It seems like a great idea to me, and I will be there as always to be involved and to show my support. Of course, there have been those opposing to this saying we shouldn't be "targeting" the church when in fact that is not whats happening.

The comments I've noticed, that I wanted to address is that we should be voting. Now, I agree. We should be voting. We should be getting everyone wanting to vote, because yes there has been a lack of interest (especially mid term elections which don't generally bring out a lot of voters turn out). Especially with the Tea Party around this worries me. Did you know only 3% of voters turned on in Connecticut where Mini Palin (Christine O'Donnel) won the Republican nominee. That's just frightening. Do you realize, if the smart, intelligent people had gotten off their couches and gone out of vote...the more people that went out and vote the less chance she may have had of winning. There are numerous ways to get involved, and voting is a crucial step.

Get out and vote!

However, do I think voting should be all we do? No.

Voting is crucial, and should always be done and I seriously encourage everyone to do so. But I don't think other methods of fighting the fight so to speak, should be thrown out the window. The protests, or the candlelight vigils, the rallys...they have their place as well. They show others we're not just going to sit around waiting to vote, we're not going to sit twiddling on our thumbs, we're going to get noticed...and in turn getting noticed could help people realize they're not alone, and help get those people out to vote as well.

I think both should be done. I'm supporting the rallies and the vigils but also I want everyone to GET OUT AND VOTE!

College Life Thus Far

So, time for a much needed update. I figure while I'm averaging about one post a month that isn't a lot of updates....but its more than some people I've seen, and its certainly enough to keep wondering people updated...if there are any.

Anyway.

Its been a little over a month since I started college. There's been a few ups and downs, of course you can't escape those, but overall its so far been a great experience. I've met some amazing individuals (before and after school started) already, and am happy to consider them friends. Maybe we're not really close right now, but I hope in a lot of the cases I'll have a chance to grow closer as I get to know them and they get to know me more. Still if anything else they are people who share my basic beliefs and it doesn't feel so much like an outsider (being liberal and agnostic in Utah) anymore.

This isn't to say, however, that there hasn't been some drama. Its all passed now, but there were a couple weeks when I was having difficulties understanding why someone would get mad at me for not hanging out EVERY night because I had to sleep to get up early for work or school. Or I had to do my homework, or actually study. I was trying to wrap my head around this idea with difficulty. So wait...its a bad thing for me to be responsible? Lucky for me, I knew better. I knew I was making the right choices, probably from the experience of all the mistakes I've made up till now that I've thankfully learned from. So I made it clear, that I didn't appreciate being harassed about it. Okay, that seemed to work. For a day. Then it started again and my best friend stepped in. Things blew up, to put it simply and within a day I had cut myself off from him...and mutual friends.

Thankfully, a week or so later those mutual friends realized the 'true colors' of the other individual. And while I haven't exactly hung out with them again since (I would like too), I feel comfortable talking to them and seeing them again.

I have joined clubs such as the Gay Straight Alliance and the Dixie State College Democrats. As well I volunteer where I can, when my schedule allows it.

As far as my classes go. Thus far, I'm still excited and happy that I'm in school. I especially enjoy my History and Humanities class(es, I got an A on my first test which really does nothing but good things for your thoughts about college and keep going. English, the class itself is enjoyable and my Professor is awesome, I just don 't like the actual writing of essays too much. But it gets done nonetheless. My The Freshman Experience (FYE --- whenever my prof. hands out the roll call sheet we write our names on it says FYE and I always think of the STORE)...seems pretty pointless thus far. Oh well, at least its an easy A.

Now, dating life...has been sort of kind of non existent. Until today, I guess. I went on a date with a guy today, he's pretty cool. Of course it was a little awkward and I didn't have much to compare it too all my relationships having started out online (Which there is nothing wrong with as long as you're careful)...so I'm hoping that he'll want to go on a second date. It seemed to go well at least.

I want to go to Homecoming :( But I don't have a dress.

A Passion

Two blogs in one day!? How did this happen!? A bunch of random thoughts that I need to figure out how to organize is how it happened....And to think this was all spurned on by one little text from a friend who said he hated people. Oh its amusing how things go somedays. It makes me ask a question, one I know the answer to but I will ask it here nonetheless for the readers sake.

What is my passion?

I have a lot of interests, I lot of things I enjoy doing. Reading, writing, art whether its with a pencil and paper or through a digital element like photoshop, comics....I could go on on that for probably a few more sentences. They ebb and they flow,a t any given point in time I'll be more 'invested' if one of interests than others. But all in all,they get their equal footing in the spectrum that is my interests as a whole.

But those aren't my passions, not the most important ones, at least.

I'm relatively quiet and reserved at first, thats how I seem when people first get to know me...and I am, I admit that. I probably get that from my mom...."The seething cauldron of emotion under that placid exterior" (Love you Mor!) Even so looking back on the years of my life I can see,myself, that I"ve come a long way. I may not be fully out of my 'shy girl' bubble, but I've certainly gotten somewhere. I'm a lot more comfortable around people, I can strike up a conversation with a stranger easily so long as theres something to strike up a conversation about.... But get to know me. Depending on the individual it may take me awhile to get so comfortable to the point I'm inhibited around you...but I have passions that I'm just coming to realize.

I have a passion for people.

And there are a lot of ways people can act on a passion like that I suppose. I'm not going into psychology, how the mind works,helping kids and people have disorders (kudos to those who do!) . Psychology is a bit too complicated for me. I'll show it and act on it in other ways. I'll fight for equal rights, for everybody. Be you black, white, latino, straight, gay, bi, transgender, christian, atheist, muslim....anything. A friend of mine once said there was only one way to fight that mattered (Going to war), I disagree but he has the right to say that, and I have the right to disagree. I certainly admire those brave enough to go off and fight, I imagine it takes a certain kind of courage, putting your life on the line like that. Especially when you don't know that the war is even right (Iraq, anyone?).

I certainly don't think it is the only "right" way to fight though. People have to stay home in America, and fight...for the civil rights and liberties of those who need it. Those who deserve equal rights, throughout the centuries it has been many different minorities who deserved it. But as one minority achieves it, another is around the corner needing it. As sad as it is, its probably something we won't be free of till long down the line, if at all. Americans do great things, but on the other side of the coin we've done some pretty horrible things (Slavery?) and for the supposed "Greatest nation" We have a long ways to go when it comes to the rights of our citizens.

So yes, going to join the army, marines, the navy...thats one, admirable, way to fight. But there are others that are just as needed. And dare I say, just as dangerous. There have been numerous people in our history who have ended up dead because they fought for equal rights and / or peace....John F Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr, John Lennon....just to name a few.

...

I've heard it said time and time again "If you get the opportunity you ought to...," "If you get the opportunity you should...," And while yes, some oppurtunites will present themselves with pure chance and dumb luck (Like 60 settlers left alive in Jamestown, managing to get everything going again...Yeah, too much history ^ ^ ), more often than not you got to create the oppurtunites for yourself. Work up the ladder, make a difference...

And its late...and I don't even know how to wrap this up again. So I sincerely hope you all understood this, at least a little. And with that I say...Adieu!

School, Goals, and a bunch of randomness

Been awhile since I updated....so I guess while I sit here at the computer lab I'll do a bit of 'free write' to get my brain working so I can try and write my essay... What does one right about spanking...really? I'm trying to figure out how to start and I'm just...Stuck. Anyway, moving on.

Yesterday was an interesting enough day, I went to work on 3 hours of sleep and most of the day was pure hell trying to stay awake. Around the last two hours of my shift I began to wake up though....you know that feeling when you're not tired because you're so tired? Yeah, that was kind of the rest of the day. Which was just fine, I guess, considering I had reading to do before I could sleep. And of course, I didn't actually fall asleep till like 10:30 being oh so good at managing to distract myself even after all my reading was complete.

But I finally slept. Yay.

Maybe its that its been so long since I've been in school that its taking me longer to get in the "Ugh, school." mindset. I'm certainly not ecstatic at the prospect of homework, but all in all I enjoy going to class and am enjoying the experience thus far. I"m here, finally, so might as well make the best of it huh?

So I've been thinking a little more about my my goals, 'long term' in the term of just a few 4-5 years, maybe a little longer depending, down the road. I'm going for a Bachelors in History, maybe with a minor in Political Science, and once thats done (though I'll start the application process in a couple years or so) I plan on joining the Peace Corps. Looking into it, its really something I want to do with my life. I can't see a bad side to it at all. You're getting the chance to see another part of the world, and live there for two years will really give you the chance to understand the culture and more, help people, and they even help with your school loans.

I'm determined. I'm going to make this happen.

Single and Happy

Single and Happy.

Those are two words, that in our society, we don't think belong together. everyone expects everyone to be with someone. Seeing people in relationships, breaking up just to hop right back into another one, is such a part of our society that when you tell someone "I'm single" they say "Oh I'm sorry." Or they give you a look of pity. Or something on those lines. Just confuse them more and say "I'm single, and I'm happy."

Its a rare person who can say that though. And everyone who does, deserves to be recgonized a strong individual for being able to. That doesn't mean, though, that it isn't a struggle some days. I'm single, I have great friends, a job, I'm going to schoo. I'm figuring myself out, what I want in my life,and I'm happy. But that doesn't mean that it isn't nice to have someone around in that sense, that you don't want someone to hit on you or ask you out just so you know you're desirable by the opposite (or same, for that matter) sex.

And when it doesn't happen, your mind can't help but anaylyze why. Is it because I'm a strong, independent, intelligent woman? Is it because I don't have the perfect body with the perfect curves (or lack thereof, to those who love the sticks) and big boobs? Why is it that some of us seem to be the type that everyone wants as a friend but not as a potentioal partner?

Just something you can't help but think about it. I wonder about it more than I should, probably. But I am single,and I am happy.

Why, When, How

Well....so much for happy.

I got back in contact with a friend I hadn't spoken to in three years, and its really really great being able to talk to them. Smile and laugh with them again. Hear their thoughts. Share mine. It made me happy. But even when your happy I guess everyone has their bad days....today suddenly spiraled down just from one little comment...one little commenet. Its not mine to have, it never will be. So why do I get this way? Why am I insecure? Why do I feel like every time I get happy something comes along to tear it down.

I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way. But I really hate it.

I hate pretending to be strong when I can't. I hate locking it all away cuz you're worried of what they'll think. That you'll seem jealous, and insecure when you have no right to be at all. Just for one moment you feel special, then that moments gone as if it was never there at all.

Sometimes I wonder whats wrong with me,w hy doesn't anyone notice. Am I broken? Damaged goods? All I want....is for someone to think of me and special. Look at me, and smile and say "Yeah, thats her."

I love you, whoever you are. Hurry up and get here.