Well, I'm sitting here at my parents house watching Beauty and the Beast (HHS production) and eating lunch with my sister. I haven't written anything in awhile and I've been thinking a lot, so I figured now is as good time as any. So sitting here with my green chili burritors, here goes.
I guess, I kind of want to address a few people in here.
Scott. My ex.
It's been about a month, maybe a little more, since the break up and things are finally starting to look up again. I haven't had the urge to cry in days, heh. After the break up there were comments made, from both of us, made not directed precisely at each other but obviously about each other. Yeah they hurt, and I probably hurt him more with my comments too. But now it seem's we're finally able to be friendly with each other again, or at least we're trying. Those comments were made on both our sides not out of actual hate I don't think. But it was a hurtful, emotional experience and people lash out when they're hurting.
So, Scott, again I have to say I'm sorry. Not to bring things back up but i feel this is needed; I don't know if you'll read this but I just want to say thank you. For everything in the past couple of years, and I hope we can continue to make good memories together as friends.
Solveig. My "baby" sister.
You're in sweden right now, much to your family's not so hidden jealousy ;) , but I thought you would like to know that we have a "pet" hummingbird up here in Apple valley. I don't know if Mor or Far have told you about it yet, but here's the basics. There has been a hummingbird hanging around the back door for awhile and Mor finally found the nest so symmetrically perfect in the middle of the sea shell wind chimes. We found yesterday, it's got two eggs. :) Can you say "AWWWW BABY HUMMINGBIRDS!"
You're not so much a baby anymore....even though you are the youngest, it does seem a little backwards I suppose that I admire you and you are a person I and many others can look up to. While I crashed and burned at my first attempt at College and I'm only going back this fall you already have an associates and have experienced so many things.
Congratulations! You're amazing!
I miss you and I AM stealing you away for a day when you get back home. :) We'll have a day just you and me.
Lisa.
Being back home must be great, I can't even imagine I've never been out of the United States, haha. I hope to some day though, whether its Sweden or some other country. I slept in your old room last night and thought of you. We miss you. :)
...I guess thats all for now. I'll call this "Part 1" since I'm sure more will come later :)
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Everything
Well...I haven't written in awhile, and I feel like there's so many things weighing down on my mind that some days I'm about to explode. So this is probably going to get pretty long, so that being said, I apologize....and Into the depths we go.
A couple days ago, for a few days I was really irritated. At everything. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I wanted to punch every customer in the face at work. Even the 'nice' ones, and especially the ones who go "uh...um,, I want...no...um." Seriously., If you're going to come to the drive thru know what you want. I don't have time to listen to "Ums" and "Ahs". I guess I've been procrastinating writing in this blog, ever since the break up. For a lot of reasons I guess. I worry who will read it, what assumptions will be made, how I'll be judged. But even then, I wonder if anyone will read it at all. Is there no one left here who gives a damn? But they do say writing is therapy, so I guess its all I can do.
Why was I so irritated? Well, there were the customers of course... as I already mentioned ^ above. There's also our new store manager. Robert. OCD Robert. Annoying, stressful Robert. Robert who yells at you to "Work" even if you are working and talking to a co worker at the same time. He used to be a shift manager at the other McDonalds my best friend works at. Now he manages our store, and needless to say he's made work a hell of a lot more stressful. My muscle spasms have started up again, and I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with him.
Thanks a lot.
Another reason, would probably be my ex. I'm trying to be polite, and civil though it may feel forced at times. But at least I'm not the one throwing out insults about his preceived reasons why the break up happened...in conversations where it doesn't even belong. As a friend said, apparently he's forgotten how to be an adult? I don't know, but it was rude, rash and unneccesary. And his behavior to me has just been ridcolous. At least TRY to act like an adult....
Of course, all these are valid reasons to be stressed out and irritated....but then GASP that time of month for all females started and well...PMS....that explained a few things.
Well....neext. I was suppoused to be going on a trip to LA tomorrow, for a couple days, after the fam dropped Lisa and Solveig off at the airport so they could go to Sweden (JEALOUS! Also, I am going to miss her INSANELY). Get a voicemail on my phone today that lets me know my dad injured his back and the trip his cancelled. *Sad face* Of course, I'm worried about my dad. But I'm dissapointed as well. It feels very rare that I ever get to go anywhere, behold an actual vacation even if it is two days. And I was so excited to see the beach and the ocean.... *Sadder face*
I had a dream last night.....have you ever had those dreams not long after a break up where yoru with said person and your just so happy? Are you ever scared or disgusted of those dreams? Well....I had one last night....but I wasn't sad or disgusted. I'm not in that phase yet, doubt I ever will be, as Scott is still someone I care for even if he is being an asshole. And I know, without a doubt, that I did love him. Deeply. So when I woke up,and when it hit me that it was a dream...
I wanted to cry.
In my dream, I felt so complete, and so happy....but I know that can't be. At least, not now. Still, when you give up something that was that great you do feel like a horrible bitch. I've been trying to keep myself busy, my mind occupied, but some days....I still feel like there's a part of me missing.
A couple days ago, for a few days I was really irritated. At everything. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I wanted to punch every customer in the face at work. Even the 'nice' ones, and especially the ones who go "uh...um,, I want...no...um." Seriously., If you're going to come to the drive thru know what you want. I don't have time to listen to "Ums" and "Ahs". I guess I've been procrastinating writing in this blog, ever since the break up. For a lot of reasons I guess. I worry who will read it, what assumptions will be made, how I'll be judged. But even then, I wonder if anyone will read it at all. Is there no one left here who gives a damn? But they do say writing is therapy, so I guess its all I can do.
Why was I so irritated? Well, there were the customers of course... as I already mentioned ^ above. There's also our new store manager. Robert. OCD Robert. Annoying, stressful Robert. Robert who yells at you to "Work" even if you are working and talking to a co worker at the same time. He used to be a shift manager at the other McDonalds my best friend works at. Now he manages our store, and needless to say he's made work a hell of a lot more stressful. My muscle spasms have started up again, and I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with him.
Thanks a lot.
Another reason, would probably be my ex. I'm trying to be polite, and civil though it may feel forced at times. But at least I'm not the one throwing out insults about his preceived reasons why the break up happened...in conversations where it doesn't even belong. As a friend said, apparently he's forgotten how to be an adult? I don't know, but it was rude, rash and unneccesary. And his behavior to me has just been ridcolous. At least TRY to act like an adult....
Of course, all these are valid reasons to be stressed out and irritated....but then GASP that time of month for all females started and well...PMS....that explained a few things.
Well....neext. I was suppoused to be going on a trip to LA tomorrow, for a couple days, after the fam dropped Lisa and Solveig off at the airport so they could go to Sweden (JEALOUS! Also, I am going to miss her INSANELY). Get a voicemail on my phone today that lets me know my dad injured his back and the trip his cancelled. *Sad face* Of course, I'm worried about my dad. But I'm dissapointed as well. It feels very rare that I ever get to go anywhere, behold an actual vacation even if it is two days. And I was so excited to see the beach and the ocean.... *Sadder face*
I had a dream last night.....have you ever had those dreams not long after a break up where yoru with said person and your just so happy? Are you ever scared or disgusted of those dreams? Well....I had one last night....but I wasn't sad or disgusted. I'm not in that phase yet, doubt I ever will be, as Scott is still someone I care for even if he is being an asshole. And I know, without a doubt, that I did love him. Deeply. So when I woke up,and when it hit me that it was a dream...
I wanted to cry.
In my dream, I felt so complete, and so happy....but I know that can't be. At least, not now. Still, when you give up something that was that great you do feel like a horrible bitch. I've been trying to keep myself busy, my mind occupied, but some days....I still feel like there's a part of me missing.
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Saturday, June 19, 2010
To people in my life
Well, I'm sitting here at my parents house watching Beauty and the Beast (HHS production) and eating lunch with my sister. I haven't written anything in awhile and I've been thinking a lot, so I figured now is as good time as any. So sitting here with my green chili burritors, here goes.
I guess, I kind of want to address a few people in here.
Scott. My ex.
It's been about a month, maybe a little more, since the break up and things are finally starting to look up again. I haven't had the urge to cry in days, heh. After the break up there were comments made, from both of us, made not directed precisely at each other but obviously about each other. Yeah they hurt, and I probably hurt him more with my comments too. But now it seem's we're finally able to be friendly with each other again, or at least we're trying. Those comments were made on both our sides not out of actual hate I don't think. But it was a hurtful, emotional experience and people lash out when they're hurting.
So, Scott, again I have to say I'm sorry. Not to bring things back up but i feel this is needed; I don't know if you'll read this but I just want to say thank you. For everything in the past couple of years, and I hope we can continue to make good memories together as friends.
Solveig. My "baby" sister.
You're in sweden right now, much to your family's not so hidden jealousy ;) , but I thought you would like to know that we have a "pet" hummingbird up here in Apple valley. I don't know if Mor or Far have told you about it yet, but here's the basics. There has been a hummingbird hanging around the back door for awhile and Mor finally found the nest so symmetrically perfect in the middle of the sea shell wind chimes. We found yesterday, it's got two eggs. :) Can you say "AWWWW BABY HUMMINGBIRDS!"
You're not so much a baby anymore....even though you are the youngest, it does seem a little backwards I suppose that I admire you and you are a person I and many others can look up to. While I crashed and burned at my first attempt at College and I'm only going back this fall you already have an associates and have experienced so many things.
Congratulations! You're amazing!
I miss you and I AM stealing you away for a day when you get back home. :) We'll have a day just you and me.
Lisa.
Being back home must be great, I can't even imagine I've never been out of the United States, haha. I hope to some day though, whether its Sweden or some other country. I slept in your old room last night and thought of you. We miss you. :)
...I guess thats all for now. I'll call this "Part 1" since I'm sure more will come later :)
I guess, I kind of want to address a few people in here.
Scott. My ex.
It's been about a month, maybe a little more, since the break up and things are finally starting to look up again. I haven't had the urge to cry in days, heh. After the break up there were comments made, from both of us, made not directed precisely at each other but obviously about each other. Yeah they hurt, and I probably hurt him more with my comments too. But now it seem's we're finally able to be friendly with each other again, or at least we're trying. Those comments were made on both our sides not out of actual hate I don't think. But it was a hurtful, emotional experience and people lash out when they're hurting.
So, Scott, again I have to say I'm sorry. Not to bring things back up but i feel this is needed; I don't know if you'll read this but I just want to say thank you. For everything in the past couple of years, and I hope we can continue to make good memories together as friends.
Solveig. My "baby" sister.
You're in sweden right now, much to your family's not so hidden jealousy ;) , but I thought you would like to know that we have a "pet" hummingbird up here in Apple valley. I don't know if Mor or Far have told you about it yet, but here's the basics. There has been a hummingbird hanging around the back door for awhile and Mor finally found the nest so symmetrically perfect in the middle of the sea shell wind chimes. We found yesterday, it's got two eggs. :) Can you say "AWWWW BABY HUMMINGBIRDS!"
You're not so much a baby anymore....even though you are the youngest, it does seem a little backwards I suppose that I admire you and you are a person I and many others can look up to. While I crashed and burned at my first attempt at College and I'm only going back this fall you already have an associates and have experienced so many things.
Congratulations! You're amazing!
I miss you and I AM stealing you away for a day when you get back home. :) We'll have a day just you and me.
Lisa.
Being back home must be great, I can't even imagine I've never been out of the United States, haha. I hope to some day though, whether its Sweden or some other country. I slept in your old room last night and thought of you. We miss you. :)
...I guess thats all for now. I'll call this "Part 1" since I'm sure more will come later :)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Everything
Well...I haven't written in awhile, and I feel like there's so many things weighing down on my mind that some days I'm about to explode. So this is probably going to get pretty long, so that being said, I apologize....and Into the depths we go.
A couple days ago, for a few days I was really irritated. At everything. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I wanted to punch every customer in the face at work. Even the 'nice' ones, and especially the ones who go "uh...um,, I want...no...um." Seriously., If you're going to come to the drive thru know what you want. I don't have time to listen to "Ums" and "Ahs". I guess I've been procrastinating writing in this blog, ever since the break up. For a lot of reasons I guess. I worry who will read it, what assumptions will be made, how I'll be judged. But even then, I wonder if anyone will read it at all. Is there no one left here who gives a damn? But they do say writing is therapy, so I guess its all I can do.
Why was I so irritated? Well, there were the customers of course... as I already mentioned ^ above. There's also our new store manager. Robert. OCD Robert. Annoying, stressful Robert. Robert who yells at you to "Work" even if you are working and talking to a co worker at the same time. He used to be a shift manager at the other McDonalds my best friend works at. Now he manages our store, and needless to say he's made work a hell of a lot more stressful. My muscle spasms have started up again, and I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with him.
Thanks a lot.
Another reason, would probably be my ex. I'm trying to be polite, and civil though it may feel forced at times. But at least I'm not the one throwing out insults about his preceived reasons why the break up happened...in conversations where it doesn't even belong. As a friend said, apparently he's forgotten how to be an adult? I don't know, but it was rude, rash and unneccesary. And his behavior to me has just been ridcolous. At least TRY to act like an adult....
Of course, all these are valid reasons to be stressed out and irritated....but then GASP that time of month for all females started and well...PMS....that explained a few things.
Well....neext. I was suppoused to be going on a trip to LA tomorrow, for a couple days, after the fam dropped Lisa and Solveig off at the airport so they could go to Sweden (JEALOUS! Also, I am going to miss her INSANELY). Get a voicemail on my phone today that lets me know my dad injured his back and the trip his cancelled. *Sad face* Of course, I'm worried about my dad. But I'm dissapointed as well. It feels very rare that I ever get to go anywhere, behold an actual vacation even if it is two days. And I was so excited to see the beach and the ocean.... *Sadder face*
I had a dream last night.....have you ever had those dreams not long after a break up where yoru with said person and your just so happy? Are you ever scared or disgusted of those dreams? Well....I had one last night....but I wasn't sad or disgusted. I'm not in that phase yet, doubt I ever will be, as Scott is still someone I care for even if he is being an asshole. And I know, without a doubt, that I did love him. Deeply. So when I woke up,and when it hit me that it was a dream...
I wanted to cry.
In my dream, I felt so complete, and so happy....but I know that can't be. At least, not now. Still, when you give up something that was that great you do feel like a horrible bitch. I've been trying to keep myself busy, my mind occupied, but some days....I still feel like there's a part of me missing.
A couple days ago, for a few days I was really irritated. At everything. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I wanted to punch every customer in the face at work. Even the 'nice' ones, and especially the ones who go "uh...um,, I want...no...um." Seriously., If you're going to come to the drive thru know what you want. I don't have time to listen to "Ums" and "Ahs". I guess I've been procrastinating writing in this blog, ever since the break up. For a lot of reasons I guess. I worry who will read it, what assumptions will be made, how I'll be judged. But even then, I wonder if anyone will read it at all. Is there no one left here who gives a damn? But they do say writing is therapy, so I guess its all I can do.
Why was I so irritated? Well, there were the customers of course... as I already mentioned ^ above. There's also our new store manager. Robert. OCD Robert. Annoying, stressful Robert. Robert who yells at you to "Work" even if you are working and talking to a co worker at the same time. He used to be a shift manager at the other McDonalds my best friend works at. Now he manages our store, and needless to say he's made work a hell of a lot more stressful. My muscle spasms have started up again, and I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with him.
Thanks a lot.
Another reason, would probably be my ex. I'm trying to be polite, and civil though it may feel forced at times. But at least I'm not the one throwing out insults about his preceived reasons why the break up happened...in conversations where it doesn't even belong. As a friend said, apparently he's forgotten how to be an adult? I don't know, but it was rude, rash and unneccesary. And his behavior to me has just been ridcolous. At least TRY to act like an adult....
Of course, all these are valid reasons to be stressed out and irritated....but then GASP that time of month for all females started and well...PMS....that explained a few things.
Well....neext. I was suppoused to be going on a trip to LA tomorrow, for a couple days, after the fam dropped Lisa and Solveig off at the airport so they could go to Sweden (JEALOUS! Also, I am going to miss her INSANELY). Get a voicemail on my phone today that lets me know my dad injured his back and the trip his cancelled. *Sad face* Of course, I'm worried about my dad. But I'm dissapointed as well. It feels very rare that I ever get to go anywhere, behold an actual vacation even if it is two days. And I was so excited to see the beach and the ocean.... *Sadder face*
I had a dream last night.....have you ever had those dreams not long after a break up where yoru with said person and your just so happy? Are you ever scared or disgusted of those dreams? Well....I had one last night....but I wasn't sad or disgusted. I'm not in that phase yet, doubt I ever will be, as Scott is still someone I care for even if he is being an asshole. And I know, without a doubt, that I did love him. Deeply. So when I woke up,and when it hit me that it was a dream...
I wanted to cry.
In my dream, I felt so complete, and so happy....but I know that can't be. At least, not now. Still, when you give up something that was that great you do feel like a horrible bitch. I've been trying to keep myself busy, my mind occupied, but some days....I still feel like there's a part of me missing.
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