Why, When, How

Well....so much for happy.

I got back in contact with a friend I hadn't spoken to in three years, and its really really great being able to talk to them. Smile and laugh with them again. Hear their thoughts. Share mine. It made me happy. But even when your happy I guess everyone has their bad days....today suddenly spiraled down just from one little comment...one little commenet. Its not mine to have, it never will be. So why do I get this way? Why am I insecure? Why do I feel like every time I get happy something comes along to tear it down.

I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way. But I really hate it.

I hate pretending to be strong when I can't. I hate locking it all away cuz you're worried of what they'll think. That you'll seem jealous, and insecure when you have no right to be at all. Just for one moment you feel special, then that moments gone as if it was never there at all.

Sometimes I wonder whats wrong with me,w hy doesn't anyone notice. Am I broken? Damaged goods? All I want....is for someone to think of me and special. Look at me, and smile and say "Yeah, thats her."

I love you, whoever you are. Hurry up and get here.